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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Don't lose hope because Allah is by yourside



Assalamualaikum.
It has been a long time i didn't post any news in my blog.
I stop posting news at blog since I started study at KMTJ.
I was busy there. feel like time is always limited.
Imagine, from Monday to Thursday i have to go to lecture hall at 8 am
and the studies end at 5 pm ++. there are rest between 1 until 2 pm for Zohor prayer.
whereas at Friday, class start from 8 am until 12pm because there are Jumaat prayer for the men.

I'm not at home right now.
I'm at my aunt house, in a room. quite comfortable room.
I like it. except for the pillows.
quite hard to sleep without my own pillow, "bantal ucuk".

Its not that I'm not happy at home, but i don't feel like I can tell anything to my family. I want to talk about something beneficial about knowledge, Islam, theology, religious and others. but I can't.

sometimes it bothers me when I say I wanted to wear a jubah and a big veil,
someone respond: You're not an USTAZAH or a very strictly religious person.
please wear clothes like normal people.
what kind of cloth does normal people wear? what is normal people?
most importantly, what are normal clothes that a Muslim girl wear?
excuse me, since someone said that to me, I hardly tell anything about me to anyone.
however I try strengthen my spirit by pray and ask Allah to guide me and help me to understand the community.

one people is not the same with other people.
why feel strange when I'm a little bit different.
so what if i look fat with the big clothes i wear?
it's okay to look fat and not attractive(hideous) in people's eye, but it is important to look beautiful in front of Allah.






I'm not a pious person.
I'm like anybody else who do mistakes, sins and get over reacted in certain time.
But I'm not hypocrite, I'm being myself, my personality always change,
due to knowledge and skills i get from day to day.

I want people to accept me for who I am and support me to change from a bad person to a better person day by day. Believe me, it took 30 minutes to see me change to another personality, not because I'm weird, its because when I realize something, I'll change myself as soon as possible depends on my ability and effort to change it.

however, I must not give up!
caiyok2!